I wet my be... Wait a minute! Who writes these headlines?

Although I suppose there could be worse alternatives¹

It all began with "Let there be light", although that might be taking an introduction to the topic a little too far.  Suffice to say, sleeping in my bed has become a bit of an adventure (not that I'm suggesting that anyone other than I try it²) since a recent ant invasion.  I'm not sure if any uncles³ were involved, but I immedia soonishly binged⁴ "get rid of ants", which led me to a page that suggested a teaspoon of rubbing alcohol, a teaspoon and a half of dish soap, and some water in a spray bottle.  Being a man, I of course didn't measure.  Furthermore, since it doesn't say where exactly to spray, I tried spraying it directly on them and found their claim that the ants "will stay clear away from" the solution because of the alcohol was a little understated.  Specifically, they weren't alive enough to do so after a shot or two, although that might be because of the dish soap rather than the rubbing alcohol.


¹ My bed has a wet spo⁵.... NO! NO! NO!  Bad headline writer, bad!  Anyway, it's gone now.
² Although that might (or might not) be subject to change in the future.
³ A joke the appreciation of which will be severely reduced by those who pronounce "aunt" as "awnt".
⁴ It's like Googling, except using Bing.
⁵ Not that I mind discussing topics involving that subject.  It's just that I wasn't referring to the common definition of that term.  Furthermore, I would think that towels (either under the affected area before or over afterwards) would usually solve the problem.

Bit of a headache

Sorry, today's post has been cancelled.  Except this is today's post.  And it's here.  Sounds like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma, surrounded by a conundrum, compounded by a complexity, steeped in puzzle, infused with a quandry....  Well, I suppose Churchill had a better idea of when to stop than I do.  Whatever I was going to write about is going to have to wait until later.

Yep, it's laundry day again

Translation: It Took So Long To Do Laundry That I Can't Think Of  a Topic I Can Write a Quick Post About

Sorry about that, but sometimes real life get int the way of things you want to do and I'm feeling a bit lazy at the moment.  So I'll just leave a few of my favorite YouTube videos:

Because weight fluctuation ≠ weight loss

Wonder how much practice that took?

I already figured this out....

What fun can one guy have with two pairs of nearly indentical glasses?

Another busy day, another late, quick post.  So let's get down to it: Just seeing how long it takes people to realize I not only have new glasses, but two new pairs of them.    While the brown/gold-ish pair do look a lot like my old pair (the new ones are a bit darker in the frame, but lighter on the "plastic" ear covering), I would think the sudden absence of the tape used to hold the old pair together would make it obvious.  Or maybe I did too good of a job with the scotch tape so that no one noticed it?  However, I suppose that means that you, my dear and loyal readers, are privy to a secret that the virtually the rest of the world knows nothing about.  So don't go telling anyone, make them suffer for not reading my blog even if they don't know they're suffering, 'kay?
Got to get ready for work.  Just remember to tune into (maybe) the same Jon-time, on the same Jon-blog.

Today's quick trivia question: what label first makes its appearance with this post?

I'm going Gotham style (Op, op, op, op)

(With Apologies to Psy)

That certainly was a lot painful than I thought.  Only $170 for two pairs of glasses.  It would have $150 but I added on the option of UV400 coating for $10/pair.  It also helps that I forewent both the progressive (which I probably wouldn't have included even if it didn't cost extra) and polychromic lens options.  Anyway, I bought them at Complete Eye Care Center (location: 2825 Crenshaw Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90016).  The frames are more or less identical (except one is "gold", the other "silver") and based on remembering seeing "Gotham" and what I remember of the logo, forgot that, I just saw that they have the manufacturer's name (GOTHAMSTYLE) and the design (STAINLESS# 5 CE) on the inside of one of the arms and the color (BROWN for the "gold" pair and "GUN" for the "silver") on the other.
Then, to top them off, I ordered two pairs of Square Lite Smoke and a pair of  Delta "fits over" sunglasses, plus a Foster Grant lens repair and cleaning kit online from Dioptics Sunwear.  They would have been $57.60 altogether, but the sunglasses were 50% off, which made it only $32.17.  I'll have to write a follow up post tomorrow since it's getting time for me to go to work.  Hasta la vista, person-of-indeterminate-age!

Starting over

Or, I Guess I Got What I Paid For

Long story short: I took my glasses off to place them on top of the cabinet and dropped them on the floor.  As tired as I was, I failed to look where I stepped and my foot landed on top of them, with predictable results.  All efforts to try to fix them failed, so I thought maybe I could order another pair of frames and pop the lenses into them.  Unfortunately, the place I bought them from doesn't sell frames only.  I know that they say that into every life, a little rain must fall, but sometimes it seems like it's pouring over here.  But I have survived a lot worse, so I suppose it will turn out ok.
So... I have temporarily have had to return to using the falling-apart-but-still-usable-if-taped-together old pair and will have to check into buying a new new pair tomorrow. But if I can't blog tomorrow, that's why.  Thankfully, I just got paid last Friday and don't have to worry about rent until next paycheck.  So cue Gloria Gaynor...

(Not quite) forever in blue jeans

 Not much to add to the lyrics of this Neil Diamond song:

Money talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk
And long as I can have you
Here with me, I'd much rather be
Forever in blue jeans

Honey's sweet
But it ain't nothin' next to baby's treat
And if you pardon me
I'd like to say
We'll do okay
Forever in blue jeans

Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight, by the fire
All alone you and I
Nothing around
But the sound of my heart
And your sighs

1) Money would mean nothing compared to having my wife back, if it were possible.
2) While I could make a few educated guesses, I don't know exactly what he's referring to as "baby's treat".
3) I don't think we were ever together "by a fire".
Hope you enjoyed today's recent widower review and join me whenever I have another.

¿Y Maria? ¡Se Fue...!

(Translation: And Maria? She left.)

A complete list of the wedding party's attendees would include:
My wife and I (at least I remember us being there)
My older brother (best man/ one of the Best men/ second marriage certificate witness)
Maria Sanchez (best woman, but not a Best woman/ oh, wait, they call that a "bridesmaid"/ except I think her two sons [at the time of the wedding, since she might have more children since] disqualifies her from the "maid" part/ first marriage certificate witness)
her two sons (if she had another, she could have made a TV show out of it)
My dad and step-mom
I would say the minister, except I'm pretty sure he left right after the ceremony
Lorena (not the one who is my wife, but the lady that introduced us)
Two other female co-workers, only one of whom I remember the name of (Angie)

Obviously, not the most-heavily attended marriage in history, but I'll take it anyway.  The reason I bring all of this up is because I finally decide to contact Maria to tell her about Lorena's death and, as the title would indicate, there was no Maria there.  I can't remember if it was a landline or a cellphone, but either way, the number is in the hands of someone else.  So, Maria, if you're out there, I didn't lose that number, I didn't (at the time I used it) want to call nobody else (I'm working with lyrics here, so please forgive the double negative), sending it off to a letter to myself wouldn't have helped anyway, it's not the only one I owned (although it is the only one I owned for you), and, finally, I suppose it could have made me felt better, except I was already home.
Oh, one more piece of trivia of dubious importance: Lorena (my deceased wife, not the co-worker by the same name who introduced us) was staying with Maria somewhere between 3 and 9 months after she stopped working for the other Lorena's brother and sister-in-law and before she moved in with me.

To make up for the other night, I forgot to not forget something else last night

I can't remember where I was when I thought of it, but I remembering having an topic for today's post. I also forgot to have a writing instrument and paper handy to write down the idea, but that might not have helped considering how busy I was at the time. But most importantly, I forgot what the topic that I thought of was, which would have made the other two superfluous anyway. So it's on to plan (or topic) B (as soon as I think of one, that is). Today's fun rant ("fun" because I'm more amused by them than I am angered) is brought on by advertisements that could be better targeted. For example, I just got an e-mail asking whether I want a low rate car loan. Since I don't have, have never had, and doubt I will ever consider getting a driver's license (much less a car), I think I'll pass. Similarly, I received a letter a few years back guaranteeing that they could lower my auto insurance, making me wonder if I would technically qualify for the reward they offered since I was already paying $0. Then there's the TV ad that asks "What is your life like with a period?" (wording may be a little off since I'm relying on my previously demonstrated less-than-completely-accurate memory), a question I lack the necessary experience to answer. I don't know why I'm suddenly so sleepy, but I am, so I'll just wrap this one up here.

I forgot to forget...

Quite a few times, I have had difficulty coming back to work after a holiday and remembering to adjust for it being a day later.  For example, if the holiday fell on a Monday, I would find myself doing Monday tasks when returning to work on Tuesday.  Somehow I avoided that yesterday.  Go me!  It might not seem like much, but sometimes one has to celebrate one's victories wherever he or she can find them.  Speaking of "wherever", doesn't it seem like there should be another "e" in there since it's made up of "where" and "ever".  For those interested, yes, such randomness is typical for my thought patterns, although I'm usually quiet about what I'm thinking when they are.  Ooh, look, a squirrel....
Now, where was I?  Oh, yeah, Los Angeles, CA.  Wait, that isn't what I meant.  I also wanted to mention that today is the last day I get to see 283 pageviews in one day stat for Jun¹ 28, 2016 on the Overview page for the blog.  The weird thing about is that a different page for the stats shows the pageviews at about half that.  Even if the former counts my pageviews and the latter doesn't, I still don't see that coming anywhere close to making up the difference between the two numbers.  Curiouser and curiouser.
Anyway, happy sixth of July!<sup>2

1</sup> Before anyone comments that this is a typo, that's the way the infotip shortens it.
² What? Would you rather I wished you a unhappy sixth of July?

I guess that's it until September 5

Just another thing to like about September, I suppose, as it's also a three-paycheck (2, 16, and 30) month.  Not that three-paycheck months have always been kind to me, but that's a story I'll save until later.  For now, it's back to the daily grind- and I'm not talking about coffee.  Then again, it is what it is and all there is to it is to make the best of it.  Beyond work, my step-grandson and I plan to go through the house and figure out what we want to donate of my deceased wife's stuff, mostly from the kitchen and bath as most of her items from the bedroom I've already sorted and boxed (as in put in boxes, not engaged in pugilistic encounters) and she didn't really have all that much in the living room. 

Blogged on the fourth of July... Random thoughts

1) I wonder what blogs would have looked like if they had them during the Revolutionary War?
2) Maybe it's just me, but fireworks aren't my thing.  I'd much prefer to witness a good thundershower myself.  Part of that may be that the latter are natural and a much rarer occurrence where I live.  Then again, being awakened/kept awake odd hours of the night might have something to do with it as well.
3) While I still like watermelon, it's not quite the treat it once was to me, either.  Maybe my tastes have changed, or that the old association of watermelon =  summer = vacation just doesn't work any more.
4) As for eating hot dogs... there's an activity I can get into.
5) I'm not starting to sound like Andy Rooney or Calvin Trillin, am I?
6) I'm trying to come up with a single Fourth of July memory that I and Lorena shared, but have been unable to do so.  Then again, I'm pretty much having trouble remembering anything that happened on this day for several years.  I suppose that growing accustomed to working most holidays tends to leave less room for memories on those days.

Finally, last but not least:

HAVE

A

HAPPY

FOURTH

OF

JULY!

Of Past Presents and the Past Future of Particular Pieces Thereof

Or, Gimme a Break, Gimme a Break... Wait! Belay That!

The quest for our one and only wedding present began in the living room of my father and step-mother with my step-mother returning after retrieving a plate¹ from a kitchen cupboard.  My wife and I were sitting on the sofa when she proceeded to drop the aforementioned plate¹ on the carpeted² floor.  Since we had not been forewarned of the whys and wherefores of her actions, my wife and I were shocked, SHOCKED, to find someone purposely dropping their own dishes in this manner since one would expect such an action would not end well for the plate¹, because E = mc^{2 3} or some other law of physics.  It turns out that it had been made by Corelle^®4, a leading manufacturer of glassware, dinnerware, and heart attacks sustained after watching someone drop one of his or her plates on the floor to demonstrate how break-resistant they are.  Seeing that dinnerware would probably as good a gift as other that my wife and I could think of, we accepted her offer to buy us some.  It was then that she told us that the closest Corelle outlet⁵ was in Gilroy, CA, about a 34 mile drive without traffic or 4 hour and 15 minute ride if one uses uses the Amtrak Thruway Connecting Service and then catches a local bus in Gilroy.  Since taking the Monterey-Salinas Transit 86 and then the (Santa Clara County) Valley Transportation Authority 17 would only take about 1 hour and 49 minutes, I'm guessing even that would be more popular than taking Amtrak for that purpose.  Either way, my step-mother drove us there, sparing us from having to find out for ourselves.  We eventually settled on several plates, bowls, and teacups, most of which had coral pink⁶ trim, while some of the plates had roses of the same or similar color⁶.
Note to anyone viewing this from the front page: feel free to ignore "And now the rest of the story" link at the bottom right.  There's nothing to see there.  Really.  Just move on to the next post.  Y'all come back now, ya hear?

The good, the bad, and the glasses

While the glasses I bought online probably wouldn't be ones I would buy in person at a brick and mortar, they aren't terrible. First, the negatives:

1. Not only are they not metal frames, but the plastic doesn't appear to be all that durable. I could be wrong, but, then again, I wouldn't stress test them to find out.
2. I don't like small frames as the tops and/or bottoms of the frames tend to get in the line of vision.  Also, anything in my line of vision that are above or below the frames aren't as sharp as objects viewed with the lenses and I find that annoying.
3. Progressive lenses are going to take some getting used to and I'm not certain I want to.  I'll give it a few days try before making a decision though.  However, I'm currently strongly considering seeing if I can get different lenses put in.
4. Looking at something while turning my head can be... interesting (as in "may you live in interesting times" type of interesting.)

Now, for the good:

1. They're cheap.
2. Polychromic lenses seem to work as advertised.
3. They're cheap.
4. They're better than having a pair of glasses that seem to be in constant danger of falling apart as long as I can get the lens issues worked out.
5. They're cheap.
6. They seem to function properly.
7. I would ask "Did I mention that they're cheap", but that tends to be overused, so I won't.  Forget I even mentioned it.

Jon Best's Groom's Guide to Planning a Wedding In Less Than One Week and On a Budget

I might not be Mary Fiore¹, but I can do in a pinch

1. Choose wedding date.  I've heard that the groom's birthday is an especially suspicious, I mean auspicious, date.
2. Have ring bought and marriage certificate arranged beforehand
4. Tell family, friends, and co-workers about wedding.  Financial tip: waiting until it's too late for people to RSVP makes buying and sending invitations unnecessary.
3. Tell family, friends, and co-workers² that you met a lady that you're considering marrying.  Wait... did I do that backwards?
5. Sometime during all of this, ask brother to be the best man and have him accept.
6. Have co-workers who refuse to go to the wedding if no (free) alcohol will be served.  Considering the wedding and reception will take place in a public park that prohibits such beverages, it's not really a choice.  Besides, such a move eliminates people who aren't there for the nuptials from attending and that's probably not all that great of a loss.
7. Although not absolutely necessary, having a father who has been a minister and knows someone who can perform the wedding (in Spanish and English, no less) certainly helps³.
8. Have step-mother willing to buy wedding cake and batteries for boom box to play music at reception.  Remember that it's only the latter that goes into the boom box.
9. On the day of the wedding, get up and get dressed, wife... I mean, bride (because she wasn't my wife yet) does the same and then prepares ceviche⁴ for the reception.  Besides the ceviche, I believe we also had tostadas and soft drinks.
   
   ⁵
10. Have co-worker who introduced you to each other do bride's hair and helps with her makeup.
11. Go to park (I'm 90% sure it was the McKinnon Neighborhood Park, but have a slight bit of doubt).  Did I see her before the wedding?  I believe so, but it's not like I believe in superstitions so it turned out ok after all.
12. Give a little time for anyone who wants to show up to do so.
13. Have wedding and don't mess up any lines.  Since I think all I had to say was "I do", that made it fairly easy.  Kiss the bride when minister gives the order.
14. Par-tay!  (Sorry, no bouquet or garter belt to toss)
15. Not know that one is supposed to pay the minister and have father volunteer to do so.  Have witnesses and minister sign form.
16. Cut the cake.
17. Have co-worker do the traditional (at least I guess it is in Mexico) smearing of a bit of frosting on my and my lovely wife's lovely nose (hers, not mine).
18. Get toasted with apple cider.
19. Get birthday card from father and step-mother.
20. That's pretty much it.  We took the remaining wedding cake home after that and lived more-or-less-happily ever (or at least until she died) after.

¹ Especially since I did not fall in love with the groom.
² If one of these co-workers happens to be the person who introduced you to each other, that's one less person you have to tell since she probably already knows.
³  And, yes, that does mean we did not have someone to perform the ceremony until a few days before the event.
⁴ Mexican sushi
⁵ Sorry, I couldn't find a ceviche⁴ recipe on YouTube in English.